And what I want and who I want to be. I don’t want an audience that knows who I am; it’s too restrictive. There are parts of my identity that I want to explore further, but don’t necessarily want to broadcast.

This is about the summer. The move. Living somewhere new. Letting my shifting surroundings stimulate growth. I want to thrive. Gym, cooking, good conversations, productivity.

Goals:

• I want to work hard to have the body I want, which means losing like, six god damn fucking pounds that have clung to me for years. How I view my body and athleticism is a huge factor in my overall happiness and I acknowledge that. I want to channel the extra energy I have into this just for a few weeks, even, and see where it gets me.
• I really want to wean myself off this emotional dependency on other people and relationships. I’ve kind of always had someone to occupy my thoughts and I’m realizing that I’m using it as a kind of crutch, I’m shoving people into this role that doesn’t fit them just because I perceive that role to be really important in my life. BUT. It’s not. It’s something I can definitely do without and I think, ultimately, I will be happier relying on myself instead of someone else. I just need to break the pattern of thought that deems it ‘necessary’ to always be in some sort of emotional relationship. I can withdraw all of these positives from friendships around me that I value, and supplement it with the friendship I feel for myself. I have to supply that solidity and emotional stability myself; I can’t just leech it off someone else.
• I think this is a very important time in my life and I now have the ability to say, “This is when I established myself.” These are foundations. This is one of the few times in my life, maybe the only, in which my only responsibility is myself and my betterment. Being in a relationship right now would channel that drive out of me and instead of working on myself, I would be working on the relationship. I think this comes out of a fear that I will fail if I try to better myself, which is a trait that I’ve actively criticized in others.
• Here’s where I’m at: I know that I’m right. I really trust my own opinion on things. I take the time to research and verify different ideas, I’m a very thorough thinker and based on my own confidence in my intelligence, I can say that I almost always know what is best for myself. I feel like many people struggle with that step because they often don’t know what’s best, but I think I have a broader view on that. I can pretty accurately determine whether a person will be beneficial or detrimental to me. I tend to favor the latter, which I should really try to cut out. Anyway, I don’t have an issue with that step, so I feel like I’m starting out with a lead. The only thing I need to work on is action. I need to start being an adult, now. I know I trust my opinion so all I really need to do is take my own advice.
• Major point: this shouldn’t be driven through self-hatred and deprecation. This is actually exactly the opposite. I love myself so much that I want to help myself as much as I can. I want to make the best use of my time and actually put in the effort to attain the results I want. I feel like most of my life I’ve ‘coasted’ on my natural talents, and didn’t need to put in much effort. This is the next level.

This blog will be my new summer project along with Mat Pilates and Yoga.
Main goal: Work hard to achieve the body and mind that you want for yourself.

Body: Gym, biking, pilates, yoga, better food (access to Trader Joes!)

Mind: I want to uphold the values that I respect. I want to love myself more. I want to meditate.

I think this is the perfect opportunity to do this. I still have a lot of responsibility from academics, but I won’t let it ruin me. I’ve had a pretty easy quarter and have spent a lot of it smoking/eating/relaxing. This summer will be challenging, but I’m excited to try it out. I will be around Casey, my new roommate, who is in a very similar mindset; I think we’ll encourage each other. This is my Summer of George.