I can’t be everyone’s friend. And that’s my problem; I try to be too nice. I don’t stand up for myself. Well, it’s okay to have people not like me. I need to be assertive and confident and I know I already am those things. I think what does me in the most is how fragile I perceive myself to be. In perceiving it, I am creating it..

Casey snipped at me today. “Do you always have to ask where I’m going?” And yeah, that was rude, but it’s not that big of a deal. I responded, I didn’t cower. And he probably knows it was rude. He tried to make some small talk after. 

Bottom line: nothing is that big of a deal. And yeah, you’ll have to live with him for a year or so, but guess what: this tiny little altercation has been the only negative thing after more than a month of living together. Do you see the bigger picture now? Everything is fine. Maybe retract from his life a little bit. You can do that.

Why can’t I edit my other post? Anyway, major recent events of note:

-I have officially decided to go to medical schools. My GPA is pretty good, my extracurriculars are impressive (probably three publications by the time I graduate!), and I’m aiming high on the mcat. It’s strangely relieving to finally succumb to this path; it definitely wasn’t an easy or quick decision but I surprisingly feel great about it. My stats are pretty competitive and I think I’d make a great doctor!

-Though I’ve known it since 8th grade and have felt pretty comfortable with it for years, it wasn’t until last year that I came out to my friends re: being bisexual. What a great decision. I’m feeling really excited about this aspect of my life and the possibilities to come.

-I turn 21 in less than a month! It’s been a long time coming, but I can’t wait. Mostly excited that I can finally go to the countless lgbt clubs in LA.

I’m still deciding what I want to do with this new blog and what direction I want to take it in. See, I had another blog. I was on it for over two years and it was a really interesting experience for me, but it was just getting too constrictive. My exes, friends I barely knew, and even mothers of friends I barely knew were following me. I just didn’t feel like I could express myself anymore. So I started this one and I guess I just don’t know what I want it to be. It’s been a good motivator so far for going to the gym and whatnot but there is so much else going on in my life.

I was watching the women’s World Cup all morning and was super excited when I got a text about pick-up soccer. Even though I haven’t played in weeks, I gotta say I had one of my best games yet. Three goals, a bunch of good assists. And then I came home and study-study-studied for a few hours. I think I did great today! :)

This past week has been really stressful and I’ve turned to food as comfort. Bad idea. I feel like I’m almost at the point I was at two weeks ago. I don’t know if I have the time in my schedule to go to the gym, but that’s ridiculous, right? I need to make it happen. 

I had such a great time when I first started getting serious. I felt great, I looked great. I was confident. I was doing well in school. This past week included me moving into a new apartment, financial aid woes, and getting my physics midterm back (B+.. not my best). But hey, now I’m settled in and I know that the confidence I get about feeling good about myself and my body will infuse into all parts of my life.

I wish school was easier. It’ll all pay off though, right?